Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
