The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
