she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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