I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
