it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
