When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
