I hate your face
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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