Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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