so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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