What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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