it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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