i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
