I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
