Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize