she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
