We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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