If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We were destined to go to rehab together
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
