mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize