He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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