You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize