he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
