If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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