My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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