I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
