Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
