I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
