glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize