I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Actions speak louder than pants.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
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