Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
