The maid of honor just puked.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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