just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
