I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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