So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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