Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
