i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
