I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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