Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize