What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
