I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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