so that wasnt chicken after all
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
