Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
