Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
