So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
