You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
