I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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