Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
