The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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