i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
