Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
