I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
