My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
