i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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