I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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