We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
