I can text with my tongue
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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