I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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