I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
