sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
