Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
