John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
