He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
