How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
