dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Randomize
