a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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