I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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