miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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