best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Is it penis luge time yet?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
