Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
