I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize