Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
