he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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