dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
