i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
