so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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