That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize