so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
