True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
